"Get over yourself" seems like an odd way to start an aimless, long-overdue blog post... especially this one. But there you go.
It occurred to me recently that I have trouble with sincerity, and adequately expressing myself with words that make sense. When trying to earnestly do this I throw in so many long pauses or 'ums' and 'ahs' that what ends up coming out can't possibly be considered English, legally.
Then I usually follow it all up with something akin to 'your momma'.
Funny? Probably not. Annoying... fuck, yes.
I certainly think sincerely, but the mental wall from what I think and what I eventually say is gargantuan.
Check out my ego, yo.
Because, ultimately, that's what it is... Ego. You don't want to sound silly by really truly earnestly expressing yourself... when, in fact, it's not silly at all. I shouldn't even be calling it that, I just can't think of a better word to use, contextually.
When a person says exactly what is on their mind, it's something to be admired. When they put themselves and their thoughts into the open, it's beautiful. Chances are, I'm preaching to the choir. You know and admire this... but it's always great to have the last laugh!
Right?
Wrong.
Well, it's just not what I do? I'm a close book. I'm dark and mysterious and...
Get over yourself.
What if it doesn't work out?
Well, what does that even mean... 'work out'? You're not lifting weights, you're trusting in the people around you. If you can't do that, why expect that they would or could trust you...?
But, but...
To blame it all on our upbringing or generational influences is lazy. Ultimately, it all comes down to the person and how willing they are to improve themselves rather than attribute to others.
But, it's not a bad defence. Look at what is called funny nowadays -- crass, demeaning, dismissive, sarcastic humour. Sincere moments are constantly punctuated by a punchline, characters are typically set up in a hierarchy where at least one or more are regular joke-butts.
Even the tone in our advertising is challenging, when it's not being unrealistically sexy. "Prove yourself by buying this product!" it screams, with the snarky "yeah right, as if" attitude of a playground bully -- mostly radio and TV for this, by the way. It's all about tone.
But.. that's irrelevant. We can be better. As much as "get over yourself" should be a daily mantra, "get over it" needs to be a close second -- applicable to upbringing, environment, or whatever sense of humour you think you have. Get over it, be better.
Unless you're a science experiment, your reactions are entirely under your own control.
So, to be dismissive or snarky.. it's not a part of your 'nature', it's a choice. It's a crutch.
Now, don't turn it off. It's a great way to express yourself when you're finally comfortable with someone, but not at the cost of sincerity. Allow yourself to be silent when it's most appropriate -- you don't have to be the loudest person in the room, looking for a joke around every corner. Some of the funniest people I know have also been the most helpful and sincere, when times required...
For some reason, this excellent blog post comes to mind: A Better Way To Introduce Your Friends At Parties. A person is not what they do, it's who they are. Listen to the message of every morality tale you've ever heard!
It'll require a little vulnerability, a little bit of silence, and some more eloquent words than 'fuck', but it's entirely possible.
Now comes the apology -- to those who have known me, and experienced this, I am sorry. I am trying to be better, more courageous, and more vulnerable.
I promise.
